come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
