i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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