Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Even my vagina gasped.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
