well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
