oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
