she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
