my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
