So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
