fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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