Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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