you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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