Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
