There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
