y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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