I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
