You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
