Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Non-Jews are for practice
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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