Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
