there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
