listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
