am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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