he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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