At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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