You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
