How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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