P.S. I can't hear my feet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
