What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
