Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
