Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
