This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You did what with his pubic hair?
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