She said her name was "party"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
