You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
