fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
