I'm eating all of the evidence.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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