this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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