C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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