I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she smelled like a LAN party
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
