He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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