Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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