I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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