My liver just broke up with me...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
