I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
