My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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