The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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