glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
