So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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