Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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