When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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