I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
