I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's always time for handjobs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
