the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
