i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
